Write about a loss: something (or someone) that was part of your life, and isn’t any more.
Yesterday’s assignment was very difficult for me, I struggled to decide on a topic. Being very literally on the loss of someone was too personal for me, something I wasn’t keen on opening up about. At the same time a topic about the loss of an object or an event felt too impersonal for me. I also couldn’t see how I would be able to extend it into a three post series.
I thought of writing about losing your voice, not in the literal sense but when you’re so afraid of being open or vocal that your opinions tend to become lost in the world.
However I’ve decided to focus on lost opportunities. There are things in my life that I have done and cringed about in hindsight, except I haven’t regretted them. They have shaped and moulded me into the person I am today. It’s the same with things that I regret not doing – they have shaped me into a coward. Harsh reality, but true.
As a teenager my fear of how everyone perceived me was detrimental to my own growth. Every activity I worried about what others thought. It made starting new things very difficult as I would worry about failing and how I compared to others. When realistically we all have to start somewhere, comparing your beginning to someone’s middle is only setting yourself up to become disheartened. So I just stopped trying new things, reasoning with myself that I’ll never be good at xyz. Fulfilled my own self-fulfilling prophecy because I gave up at the first hurdle and never improved.
There were many relationships that could have been, had I just opened myself up to the person. Or saw myself, the way they saw me. The 10ft walls with another 10ft of barbed wire I enclosed myself within just to protect myself from getting hurt, only led to heartache and bitterness when I saw those people happy with someone else when it could have been me.
Or the things that could have happened, or places I could have been had I just said one simple word – yes. However, that frame of mind is fading, as I become more confident in myself.